Cyber-cunts 3

Its .. Ta Da .... Barry Scott (or Gary Twott as my kids prefer).

(The Americans might be confused even more by this one).

First off what the frigging hell sort of name is "Cillit Bang"? Did he have a moment of revelation one morning whilst sat there having an early morning crap. I know says Barry Scott I'll call my new domestic cleaning product "Cillit Bang" that will really freak them out. They won't know what the fuck to think.

Or did a dyslexic pornsite operating mate offer him a domain name he bought whilst trying to purchase clitbang.com and he thought "fair enough, shame to let it go to waste".

Whatever the reason; mental name, mental advert.

As Cappy says the guy and the advert really get on your tits.

Transcript

"Hi I'm Barry Scott, and this is Jill"

"Hi Barry"

"Hi Jill"

"Tell me all about the special fluid have you been working on Barry"

"Well Jill, I have spent ages devising a special fluid that will take all the gunk off your tuppence. I've made it all myself in my bathroom"

"What?"

"Let me demonstrate Jill. If you'd be good enough to let me spray my magic fluid over your tuppence, I can prove that it will come up sparkly as a new pin. I call it the Cillit Bang effect"

"What's the Cillit Bang effect Barry?"

"Well Jill you get your tuppence out for the viewers ... if its a bit mucky don't worry. Now once its out you'll see that when I pump the trigger on my personal applicator .... hey presto .... you've got a spangly new tuppence without any effort at all"

"Wow Barry, that's brilliant. My tuppence looks like its just been freshly minted"

"Yes Jill it does"

"Well that's just fucking brilliant Barry. But explain to me again ... why the fuck is it called Cillit Bang?"

"Fuck knows Jill. Fuck knows"

I wanted to really have a real go at the guy but his Blog http://www.barryscott.blogs.com/ is an absolute belter - there is even an Irish Cillit Bang Gang [get it!] paying tribute to Barry Scott.

The man is becoming more cult than cunt (unfortunately)

Cyber-cunts 2

Picture this twat ........

I have decided that I am going to start a gallery of cyber-cunts, and old fucking moon-faced, I love fucking football, stitch me up with a fucking loan and sell my wife into sexual slavery if I don't pay it back, is the first in the hall of fame.

Fucking hell. Its like watching an Arsenal supporting George Formby smirk his way through 30 seconds of prime time TV. Cunt!

How much do you get paid to smirk like you've just shat your pants, whilst encouraging a nation of couch-potatoes to sign up for repossession orders.

Its like saying "Come on. You're as stupid as me. Sign up today."

Picture my fucking arse .....

Cyber-cunts

(With thanks to Sir Stewart Wallace, for the tip off)

Now I'm a cunt in real life. People who know me will vouch for that. I could pass a GCSE in cuntism, I could get a degree in it, a doctorate even. I just like being totally awkward to people who are up their own arses and basically need to be told. If it offends them then tough, they needed to be told so "bosh" job done.

I don't invite people to send me crap and waste my time but if they do ... well they're fair game.

I never thought any of the stuff I post demonstrates anything other than a permanent record of the inane drivel a paranoid mind creates. Its just tourettes in written form. If I did not do this I would be shouting "wankers" to Channel Four executives and waving my cock around in the Daily Star. Sadly my talent for that has not yet been recognised.

Do not pass "go", do not collect £200.

And yet somebody goes copying some of this stuff and I have to ask why? Do you want to appear as mental as me? Do you have nothing to say yourself? Or have you no ideas and yet always wanted to write a blog to impress your friends? Or are you just a cyber-cunt?

Cyber-cunts are people who have no life and resort to blogging to get attention, but once they set up their blog they have nothing to write about because (surprise) they have no life. Its a sort of electronic catch 22.

I think everyone out there agrees that there are some great blogs out there, funny stuff posted by people who lead full lives and want to share their ideas, jokes and interests with everyone. There is some great stuff about views on life, opinions on films, really funny well written stuff about everyday things that happen. And heart warming personal stuff too.

Its one great big melting pot out there, and there are some great people out there as well.

And then there are the people who just can't be arsed but need the attention.

And lastly there's me. A professional cunt who writes angry rubbish.

Ode to John Prescott

I have a love hate relationship with the Deputy Prime Minister. One minute he's a sad, fat old arsehole, with his pants round his ankles sweating over his simpering secretary. The next I find myself agreeing with him when he describes US withdrawal plans as "crap". They sure are John, fucking crap, crap, crap.

I'm finding myself strangely coming back on side; at least he's not the sort of effete ponce who tries to hide behind false smiles and lies.

Plus I will always remember the look on the face of that twat with the ridiculous mullet who he punched in the face live on TV a few years back. What other major politician have you seen in recent years who's had the balls to punch a protestor in the face himself. If that would have been Dick Cheney in the US he'd have had his tenth heart attack as 25 security guards wrestled the guy to the ground and kicked the shit out of him. But not Prescott - bang, fuck off, stick your egg up your arse pal.

I am drawn to the conclusion that this is the sort of politics we want. Personal abuse, claims that policies are shit, calling world leaders cowboy's and punching people. That way we might get less wankers controlling our lives.

(PS: I'll hate him again next week for an entirely different reason)

God!

I have spent the whole week pondering the point of my existence, and more importantly the reasons why the world is currently such an evil crock of shit place to be. Its like real life is being experienced from two different sides; on one side we have the harsh reality of life being experienced in the Lebanon, Iraq, Africa etc where the name of the game is purely to struggle against extreme adversity to survive, and on the other we have the consumer frenzied "La La Land" of the West where "real life" involves a shitty call centre job followed by buying £800 worth of shit you don't need on the credit card before the train ride home.

Have the two halves of the world ever been so diametrically opposed?

Can there really be a god in these circumstances, with one half of the world exporting misery and hardship in return for meaningless trinkets we just throw away and fossil fuels that are giving us cancer?

I have therefore devoted a lot of time this week on whether there really could be a god, and if so what the fuck is he playing at?

Religion it has to be said is evil. In fact it is a statement of fact that all religion is evil, because all religions follow doctrine, and if you do not subscribe to the doctrine then you are the enemy. If you are the enemy, then you're fair game for either extinction or conversion (they don't tend to mind which) and you deserve it.

I'm guessing that if there is a god he's probably laughing at all those people following doctrine, because what example do any of the so-called religious amongst us set to humanity?

Bomb in the name of freedom
Incite seperation and hatred
Create prejudice and mistrust
Educate to colonise
Develop to conquer

They are all fairly dishonourable principles carried out in the name of "god".

Doctrine is easy to follow. It requires no thought. It requires no intellect. It requires no freewill.

Could a god exist that would expect that only the simple-minded, and the inept to be worthy followers?

No.

So where does that leave me?

To be fair I don't really know; I thought I had all the answers and then "bang" they went again. But I can't believe that if there is a god he would be pleased at murder in his name, or death, rape, pilage or subjegation as a catalyst for intellectual enlightenment. I can't believe that he wants to blow aeroplanes out of the sky, or cluster bomb children, or innihilate villages and schools, or blow up people on buses, or injure and maim the old or the infirm.

The things that we do in the name of religion, prove without a shadow of a doubt that religion has nothing to do with god, or peace, or decency and is more to do with power, and control and money and wealth.

"Imagine no religion ... its easy if you try"

I think I'll go away and have my breakdown in peace now.