Hey buddy lend me a crime

Been drinking again today and debating the pointlessness of the debt and credit companies has prompted me to pick a new target for my time wasting activities.

Loan and credit companies

These businesses are truly evil … don‘t you think? And from their advertisements they clearly set out to target people who are … well … complete fucking idiots really.

As I said I have been at home drunk for a week or so and there have been two TV adverts (amongst many) that have grabbed my attention. Both businesses seem to be absolutely ideal for my purposes.

Obviously only the names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Anyway …

Daytime TV is generally pitched at students, lonely housewives, and people on social security and this seems to be why that shit-fest of mediocrity that is “This Morning” is punctuated with adverts aimed at fuckwitts that seem to have exhausted every existing line of credit and yet still need to be so comprehensively, massively and hopelessly in need of more credit that they will try anything (ie. pick up the phone) to get even more.

The adverts are great.

I love the one in which the husband and wife - note its always the wife who has the good idea to call “totalfuckwittsindebt.com” or some other service aimed at the criminally inept - sit there and throw their hands up in the air in desperation and cry “We’ve got more going out than we have coming in” before realising that the answer to their catastrophic debt problems is … well … another loan from a lender even less choosy than the original one (were that indeed possible).

Now call me old fashioned but when did it get to be a good business model to actually WANT as your customers people are so fucking clueless that they cannot pay off the debts that they have let alone buy food [actually its probably about 5 years ago to be precise]. In my day banks were clambering over themselves to tell these people to “fuck off” as part of their credit-risk function before you lost your shirt on them. But today these are the new white-knights of the credit industry - so badly in debt that they will do anything, sign anything, pledge anything to get out.

That’s the first ad.

I also like the other one with the childlike guy who likes talking to his loan company because they speak “his language” (ie. football, beer and probably pies looking at the fat moon-faced twat) whilst ignoring the fact that these people pretending to speak his language won’t be when they are repossessing his house and forcing his wife into street prostitution when he misses the next payment.

“Sorry, mate. Really sorry but its our house now so why don’t you fuck off down the pub. Your missus can stay here for a bit though coz she‘s promised to give me a blowjob for twenty-quid. She’ll need a strong drink afterwards. Cheers mate. By the way didn‘t Arsenal do well on Saturday. Fucking brilliant!”

The point to all of this rambling ...

Before we proceed to the next level lets strip back the illusion and cut to the chase … this is all about getting other peoples houses on the cheap when they can’t pay you back. If the UK property boom had not meant that these hapless yet well meaning people were not sitting on millions upon millions of unrealised assets they would still be being told to “Fuck off” by everyone. This is not a social service for the confused and inept, its an asset grab on the dim witted who have made a few quid by living in their houses for the last couple of years.

Anyway … the point of this bullshit

These businesses actually advertise the fact that they want (prefer?) total fucking morons for clients, so I drunkenly thought that this was sort of a challenge really. But these people are indiscriminate, so how vulnerable to you have to be to a good loan proposition.

Well over the next week lets just see.