Christ; harassed until I get of my fat arse and annoy people.

Been pissed off recently thinking about Norman Fucking Kember. I don‘t believe that “fucking“ is his middle name but he‘ll always be Norman Fucking Kember to me.

He is one guy that makes me believe that there a competition going on amongst god-botherers in this world do the most fucked up, stupid, crazy things in the name of God.

You get the most fake war ever convened, that uses some fucking lunatics misguided belief in his God to invade another country, and then it becomes fucking Center Parcs for tambourine wielding, patterned jumper wearing, lunatics like Kember.

There must be adverts in Christian Simpleton Weekly that runs …

“Bored shitless by the lack of non Muslims to convert in Pinner / Reading / Milton Keynes [insert shit-boring featureless UK town of your choice] then why not come to Iraq! There‘s plenty of angry disaffected people to try to convert, and they‘re all armed, dangerous and angry as fuck. If you‘re lucky you get to shit in a bucket with three of your Christian brothers for three months and eat stale bread before being shot in the head. Don‘t believe what the Foreign Office say, book your ticket today. Its fucking brilliant!”

Anyway.

These people are dangerous; they should not be let loose in our society never mind anywhere where people carry AK47’s as fashion accessories.

So I rang my local Christian Aid number and offered my services to “Go to Iraq and tell heathens about God” and you know what?

The bastards tried to talk me out of it.

Straight up. They said it was not a good idea and that there were plenty of ways I could help them staying in the UK.

“But I want to go to Iraq” I said “I want to dedicate my life to helping those who need it most”

Again they pointed out that it was not a good idea and that there were loads of things I can do like stuff used clothes into bin bags and pack food; that sort of stuff.

“But I want to go to Iraq” I said

“Well your on your own they finally relented”

So much for the pioneer spirit!

Anyway

I bet there would be no risk if ever I got caught. Quick tip to those still out there - just sing “Kum by fucking ah” every fucking night for an hour and you’ll be out by the third day. That’s if they don’t shoot you first.