David fucking Blaine

I see they are running a TV programme about the life and challenges of the uber tosser himself this evening, and it struck me that he has to be one of the most annoying wankers in the world.

Why is this guy famous? Just hearing his whiney voice try and justify the stupefying pointless shit that he does makes me want to go and slit my wrists.

I see he had to go to Times Square for his last stunt after that farcical attempt he had in London a few years back to live in a glass box [whoop do doo] manifestly fell on its arse. He can’t do anything in Britain again because the British people basically took the piss out of him and threw eggs at the twat because trying to live in a glass box suspended in mid air was just such a fucking stupid idea.

If you want to watch some delirious, emaciated guy, shit in a box in full public view you only have to hang round outside Victoria Coach Station. Its hardly a spectacle is it?.

But America seems to love David Blaine and now he’s failed his challenge in New York no doubt he’ll be back with some other monumentally pointless stunt at some point in time.

I can just see it now.

Cue whiney voice

“Well what I really felt I had to do for my next challenge was to hang by my balls, blindfold, from a balloon suspended above Niagra Falls, whilst a family of otters colonised my anus for a month. And you know; on the very last day after not eating, talking, or shitting for a month I have to do a swan dive into the Falls in a full suit of 16th Century Armour and make my escape in a Submarine made entirely from my own internal organs.

Cue pointless American chat show host cooing “Oh David you’re just sooo brave. We love you David”

Wanker. You just can't escape that fact.