McBollocks

As Big Brother will divert the attention of my family for weeks, I need to develop another pointless campaign to see me through the boredom of my self imposed isolation.

Having read the cringe worthy shite that McDonalds puts on its “blog spot” I have decided that its as good a target as any (actually I’ve hated this cruddy organisation for years and been waiting for an excuse).

Anyway.

You really should read the McDonalds blogspot -

http://csr.blogs.mcdonalds.com/default.asp

This is a fucking cult not a business. McDonalds are the fucking moonies of the fast food industry. The pure bollocks spouted by the corporate automatons that they allow to blog is just incredible - here is just one example

“Last week I mentioned that I was at our biennial McDonald's Worldwide Convention in Orlando [whoop de fucking doo!] …. So you might be wondering. Did corporate social responsibility get any play at this event? Well, the answer is a "yes." CSR was definitely in the mix.”

Well Bob. I was wondering nothing of the fucking sort. I don’t lie awake at night wondering how CSR integrates with conventions. What I was wondering though was how does a 35 year old grown adult feel wearing a smock and red paper hat and speaking incomprehensible bollocks to employees who can’t even speak English all week?

I hate these wankers because they just fill the world with bullshit for no legitimate reason other than to sell saturated fatty food, to fat saturated people.

Plus it’s the whole bullshitty McDonalds language that gets me. You buy a burger and fries and then they ask you “Would you like a meal?”. Well of course I want a fucking meal. I’m here aren’t I? I didn’t come in because I thought this was a fucking bright red opticians. If you want sell me a Coke [sorry Pepsi they can get sued for even saying Coke when it isn't] to go with my food then sell me a fucking Coke. But don’t ask me if I want a fucking meal when I am here buying my lunch. In England having a coke with a burger and fries is not a fucking meal, its buying a drink to go with your fucking meal you fucking moron.

Anyway.

These twats really piss me off. Besides there was rumour “doing the rounds” in my area that some illegal immigrant got nabbed for putting his own “special sauce” in the Cheeseburgers so I decided that this prestigious purveyor of highly mediocre fare will be the target of my pointless activities over the next week or so.

I love the drive ins as you can seriously piss people off as the queue builds up behind you.

You go to the first booth and order your gear.

Then as you get to the second dispatch booth you just pretend that they’ve got the order completely wrong and get them to run around for ages whilst irate people start blowing their horns and getting really pissed off behind you.

Usually the people in both booths don’t speak English too well and are usually half asleep so its easy to get them confused, and because the system is purely order driven (American businesses don’t cater for mistakes) it throws them into total chaos to change.

Normally they ask you to pull forward so they can sort the problem out without affecting everyone else, but you refuse and sit there watching them run around clogging up the place for ages. Then after they’ve spent 5 minutes changing your order, they finally give you what you asked for the second time and you say “I’m sorry you must have misheard me, I asked for a milkshake not a Pepsi “ or whatever and the whole thing starts again.

Its fucking brilliant. But I think they already have my number on CCTV.