Bemused.com

I'm not confused - JUST FUCK OFF

The thing they don't tell you about confused.com!

Ever seen their adverts on the telly about how easy it is to use this wonderful service to get an insurance quote? You just sit back and the website takes all the hassle out of it for you. They say.

Me goes online being a lazy arse because my car insurance is up and maybe I could get it cheaper. Stick stuff into the website, press button, "bing" up pops a list of quotes. Me has a quick look and prints it off. That should be the extent of the effort involved. Not with bemused.com!

Call 1 - 1 hour after getting a list of the best quotes

"Hi may names Martin Wankerface from Arsewipe insurance. I'm ringing to see if you want to go ahead"

Me. "I'm at work it was only an hour ago. I haven't read the information yet"

Wankerface "Well ours was the cheapest quote"

Me "Really"

Wankerface "Yes, do you want to go ahead"

Me "No because I have not read the quote I'm busy"

Wankerface "But it was the cheapest, do you want to go ahead?"

Me "No, I'm at work it was only an hour a go and I've not read the information"

Wankerface "It was £xxx. Is that a better quote than your current insurer?

Me "I'm at work I have no idea whether its cheaper or more expensive"

Wankerface "Why?"

Me "Because I don't know what I'm already paying because my policy is at home. Did I mention that I'm at work THREE FUCKING TIMES"

Wankerface "Well can I ring you back in an hour?"

Me "No"

Wankerface "Why not"

Me "BECAUSE I'LL STILL BE AT FUCKING WORK"

Wankerface "Two hours then?"

Click ... phone goes down

Call 2 - two hours later

Wankerface "Hi its Martin Wankerface again. I'm ringing about the cheapest quote we gave you on bemused.com".

Me "Yes. I've just got home. I haven't had time to read it yet"

Wankerface "But it was the cheapest quote. Do you want to go ahead"

Me "No because I've been home 5 minutes and I have not had time to read it yet"

Wankerface "Well when do you think you'll have read it"

Me "I'VE NO FUCKING IDEA"

Wankerface "Well can I ring back tomorrow"

Me "I might not have read it by then"

Wankerface "Well what if I ring you tomorrow lunchtime"

Me "I'll be at work I'll be busy"

Wankerface "Well what about 3:00pm?"

Me "Obviously I'll still be at work then. I'll be busy"

Wankerface "Well what about 6pm tomorrow then?"

Me "I'll have just got home from work. I might not have read the quote"

Wankerface "Well I'll ring you and see at 6pm"

Me "BUT I ONLY PUNCHED MY DETAILS INTO A FUCKING WEBSITE. I DON'T WANT TO SPEAK TO A REAL PERSON. I'VE NOT READ THE FRIGGING QUOTE"

Click ... phone goes down

Call 3 - same time next day

Wankerface"Hi this is Martin Wankerface from Arsewipe Insurance, have you read the quote we gave you yesterday?"

Me "Yes"

Wankerface "Well what do you think"

Me "Its ok but its only £5 less than I'm paying now and I can't be arsed with the hassle of changing for a fiver"

Wankerface "But its the cheapest quote"

Me "Yes, by a fiver and I can't be arsed moving to save a fiver"

Wankerface "But you wanted the cheapest quote"

Me "Yes, but its only a fiver so I'm not that bothered"

Wankerface "But Arsewipe Insurance are the cheapest and best in the UK"

Me "That may be but I'm not arguing over a fiver it ain't worth the hassle"

Wankerface"But ...."

Me "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ... FUCK OFF ... STICK YOUR FUCKING £5 UP YOUR FUCKING ARSE ... FUCK YOU ... FUCK YOUR COMPANY ... FUCK THE HORSE YOU RODE INTO TOWN ON ... JUST FUCK RIGHT OFF YOU FUCKING CUNT"