A new reality TV low?

I read with amusement news of a new reality TV show staring that hideous, big-titted, orange-faced, fag-hag Jodie Marsh.





http://www.marryjodiemarsh.com/

Has she not leaned her lesson?

It seems that there are people in this world who are dim enough to want to compete for the "privilege" of marrying this clump of human detritus. The whole concept is lost on me, I mean why would anyone want to be bothered to go to the effort of competing for her attention on TV when you could probably have a go for the price of a Baccardi & coke and a bag of crisps?

Some classic quotes from the website:

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"I'm desperate to settle down with the man of my dreams" [maybe you're just fucking desperate?]

"If you think you've got what I want in a man" [a pulse and a cock?]

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Anyway if you think your man enough to get shackled to the uber-scrubber live on TV then please use the link above to apply. I fancied a go - I record my answers here for posterity.

I reckon I'll at least get an interview!

1. What do you do for a living and do you enjoy it?

I'm an Eastern European people traffiker. I specialise in smuggling prostitutes into the UK in the back of lorries. I'm a very rich and drive a Lamborghini. As I will do anything, no matter how inhumane and degrading for money, I thought that I should apply to be your future husband as we seem so perfectly matched.

2. What was your longest previous relationship and why did it finish?

I once shagged a bird for more than half an our. The relationship finished when she asked for more money and I punched her in the face. That was unusual though .. 15 minutes is normally enough for me.

3. Complete this sentence: I want my relationship with my future wife to be...

One where I no longer have to pay for sex, and where I can pursue the most unsavoury and unnatural sexual practices in the privacy of my own home.

4. Tell me about the best sex you ever had! Where & when?

The best sex I had was with you or someone who looked like you around the back of Stringfellows about 18 months ago. Do you remember? You were really mullered, and I was that high on Crystal Meth I shit myself. It was cool.

5. Is money important to you?

Yes, I need it to pay for sex.

6. What do you like about me? (I know, you haven't even met me yet!)

I like the fact that you are dim and will get your baps out at any occasion, and I also love the way that you don't know that everyone else is laughing at you when you do such stupid and degrading things. Also I feel we already know each other as I have seem your baps and minge so many times on the TV and in magazines.

7. Describe a great date you might take me on.

A bit of dogging in my car, during which I would like to take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard.

8. Do you want children?

Yes. But not yours as they will probably be quite ugly.

9. Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?

On some reality TV show where I get treated for the plethora of infectious diseases I am likely to acquire following this competition.

10, What are your 3 must do things in your life?

To indulge in high risk anal sex with a Z List celebrity, to appear on non terrestial TV, and to marry somebody with absolutely no sense of shame or irony.

11. Give 3 qualities that you think are good about you and 3 that are bad.

I am kind to dumb animals, I have a sense of humour, and I always pay upfront before I have sex. My bad qualities are my chronic drug addiction, sexual violence against women, ... oh and that murder thing that happened in Amsterdam with our last consignment.

12. Finally, why do you think you and I would make a good couple?

Because we are both as thick, shameless, and morally degraded as each other.

Postnote:

I hope those reality cameras are rolling when absolutely nobody turns up at any of the auditions! Que; weapy, angry, half dressed, orange face, bleating "Why me. I only want to be loved" at the cameras. It could be quite compelling TV!