I wonder if Britain will follow suit?

I got sent an interesting link today from a friend in the US. Did you know that if you protest against the war in Iraq they can now potentially seize all your assets for "undermining efforts to promote economic reconstruction and political reform in Iraq or to provide humanitarian assistance to the Iraqi people"

http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2007/07/20070717-3.html

What's it like to live in a totalitarian society?

Don't try this at home kids (it ain't worth the effort)

I felt better yesterday than I have for a long time. I was having a tough week so took Friday off . I had my pastie, bought a paper, and popped into the pub for a quick pint. About midday on my way back up the road there was a whole squadron of blokes with blue macs on wandering up and down knocking on doors.

Jehovah’s Witnesses.

Fucking weird occupation. Selling religion door to door.

I normally go by the “live and let live” philosophy but these guys looked a bit aggressive for my tastes.

Anyway I managed to quietly get back to the house and opened a nice bottle of red just waiting for them to realise how long they would have knock on my door until they assumed nobody was there. But as I heard the knocks something clicked in my head and I made a really stupid decision to open the door. Still got no idea why.

Probably fucking bored. I had all afternoon to kill and only “Neighbours” for company.

Now I’m the most agnostic person going, but I have studied religion and I can have a 20 minute discussion on most subjects with anyone but as I opened the door I realised that I had done totally the wrong thing. What a fucking idiot.

Anyway

I’d never realised how fucking aggressive these bastards are - handing out their little booklets that tell you all about what a depraved empty life your living.

I took a real affront to their basic assumption that because I wasn‘t part of their church I was, de facto, evil and would automatically go to hell when I died.

To me there is no line between this and being Osama fucking Bin Laden and his useless NHS bombers.

I fucking hate religion. There is no need for it. You can believe in anything and that‘s entirely ok by me. But don‘t fucking well try to convert me. I don‘t care. I don‘t see myself 6 months from now wearing a Topshop suit and a blue mac sitting in somebody‘s house telling them they‘re a fucking deviant.

Anyway

Once you get these people in your house they’re on your turf and they at least have to pretend to be respectful, so after a while I drew them into the front room started to take the piss. They had to take it at face value as they were in my house. I started off quoting Descartes. I tried the old “I think therefore I am” argument claiming that effectively I am my own consciousness and therefore if I think that I am my own God then that is what I am, and that maybe they should really join a sect worshiping me as my conscious mind has convinced me that this is the case.

They looked slightly uncomfortable at that.

No bite though.

Then for some reason I tried to discuss whether animals can go to heaven. Its always a good one when you deal with these sort of muppets.

“I couldn’t possibly go to your gods heaven if it meant leaving my dog behind” I said.

“What?” they said.

“Well he’s my only friend. If your god does not let my dog into heaven then I don’t want to go to heaven”

Silence (followed by smiles).

Message to everyone out there. Did you know that the Mormon Church believes that animals will be found in heaven? Neither did fucking I? What a shitter. Apparently they believe in the “happiness of man, and of beasts, and of creeping things” and now I’ve given these bastards the perfect excuse to use the whole animal heaven idea on me to try to convert me.

Fuck.

God and animals normally gets rid of any religious nutter but not these buggers. They were cleverer than that.

I had to do a quick back track. Think of something totally off limits and hopefully they’ll eventually fuck off.

Well any religion, with no exception, hates queers. There is not one queer tolerating religion out there so its always a safe bet. Christians, Jews, Muslims, Mormons … the common theme is that they all hate queers. Heaven holds no place for uphill farmers, here endeth the lesson.

“Well that’s great news” I said “but I bet your God also hates gays, and I’m gay and so is my dog”

Now this did get them off guard.

“Your dog is gay?”

“Well he’s never married” I said

“ Well" they said “The church's law of chastity forbids gay and lesbian sex“

Apparently this is like pre marital sex which is grounds for excommunication (I did listen).

Phew

“Well you wouldn’t want to sign up anyone, or his dog, who would be excommunicated straight away would you?”

“Well ….”

“Well you wouldn’t would you. You can’t go back to Mormon HQ and say that the only people you signed up today were a gay man and his gay dog could you?”

“Well …”

Christ will these people ever take the fucking hint. FUCK OFF. I’m winding you up. Just get the fuck out of my house. Have you had a sense of humour bypass with your Mormon frontal lobotomy?

With that I went back to the philosophy stuff and started quoting Voltaire about dogs and cannons and about me being a thousand times freer than my dog is, and why would any proper religion want to appeal to dogs whose consciousness is limited and therefore he can‘t go to the same heaven as me as he lacks the capacity to imagine the same heaven that I do. Worse for a gay dog. And more particularly a gay dog with a gay owner who is firmly agnostic.

It was hard work.

I think after an hour I notionally won and they started making excuses to leave. But it was a real effort though. There is virtually nothing you can do or say to to turn these people off you or get them out of your house.

Be warned.

An easy day off and a quick wind up are not possible when the Jehovah’s are in town!

Next week maybe a visit from John Travolta and the fucking scientologists.

Victoria Beckham is "really, really excited" about moving to LA

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/itn/20070711/ten-curious-america-awaits-posh-ea4616c.html

So are we; now fuck off and don't ever come back.

Apparently she remains largely unknown to Americans, many of whom have seen pictures of "Posh" but most have never heard her speak.

You lucky, lucky, bastards!

Fucking extremists

Right I’ve had it now. We’re all being too fucking PC about all of this car bombing / airport attacking stuff. I accept that Britain has put itself in the forefront of the war on terror by supporting Iraq, but it was clear that at the time they invaded the majority of British people didn‘t support the war - and now its even LESS. How can they bomb innocent people when its clear that most of us don’t even support our own Governments stance on what has happened? If it’s about Iraq most British people are on the side of the Muslim nations. But not when extremists want to fucking bomb us were not. You fucking cretins. Are these extremists that fucking stupid that they want to do a George W Bush and turn all that sympathy into hate?

Its what Bush did after 9/11. He took all the sympathy that the UK and the rest of the world had as a result of the terrible attacks on the World Trade Centre, and in a few years turned it into the most aggressive anti American sentiment by bombing the wrong fucking countries and
generally acting like an oil grabbing, war mongering, twat.

I cannot believe these extremists don’t see that. They must be 100% goddam fucking stupid. They don't want revenge. They want a total Islamic State. This is not about the war, its about creating racial division, sowing seeds of hatred, creating general mistrust and seeking to take control.

But its not working. To illustrate; with this last wave of UK attacks even the Muslim Council of Great Britain are coming round to the conclusion that they are the victims.

http://ccun.org/Opinion%20Editorials/2007/July/4%20o/Statement%20from%20the%20Muslim%20Council%20of%20Britain%20About%20Recent%20Events%20in%20the%20UK.htm

I quote:-

“There is no cause whatsoever that could possibly justify such barbarity“

“Those who engage in such murderous actions and those that provide support for them are the enemies of all, Muslims and non-Muslims, and they stand against our shared values in the UK”

“The police and security services have the enormous responsibility for trying to ensure the safety of all Britons. As such they deserve the fullest support and cooperation from each and every sector of our society, including all Muslims“

Well done I totally applaud the stance taken by the vast majority of decent, law abiding, hard working Muslims who live in the UK. They understand now that they cannot turn the situation around without condeming these terrorist actions and working against the extremists.

They’re now torching the businesses of innocent Pakistani’s in Scotland and the MCB can see that all this is going to start to affect most of the peaceful law abiding Muslims in the UK before long. Its wrong that they should suffer, but clearly they have now accepted that they have to find ways of disassociating themselves from all of this. Its not their fault but they will get the tail end of all of this extremism. They are in a real catch 22 situation and I feel sorry for every one of them.

To be fair most probably they left their countries to settle in the UK to get away from extremist SHITHEADS. No country is perfect but there are plenty worse than the UK and many Muslims have largely found a place where they can prosper economically, and socially, without looking over their shoulders to see whether some fucked up Imman is glowering at their wife for daring to show an ankle, or shouting at them for not being a good Muslim because their beard being too fucking short.

I'm guessing that many probably don’t want to live in the fucking STONE AGE and are respected in their relative communities for what they have brought and grown in the UK for them and their children.

The Glasgow effect:

Just to close its interesting that the last ditch, probably unplanned, attack was on Scotland. Most Scots hate the English and historically they don’t take kindly to any attempts to subjegate them. Its taken them centuries to get devolution from the UK Parliament.

Then just look at what happened. One would be bomber wrestled to the ground by a bystander, another elbowed in the face by a passerby. Then they set a few shops on fire in major Scottish Cities.

Message to extremist HQ - the Scots are a race of hard fuckers and the worst thing you ever did was take the war there as for the first time in ages it will probably give them common ground with the UK Parliament, and destroyed the balance in a nation that currently enjoys good levels of racial harmony

I worry that many will now take a leaf out of the Scot‘s book. If your preaching hate “bosh” now fuck off to hospital, and the MCB can now see the very real danger of this sort of thing escalating.

I feel very sorry for the average UK voter and for the Muslim communities in the UK none of whom have asked for all of this. That the government is out of fucking control, and stuck up the arse of George W Bush is not our fault. Its got to be easy for both communities to work together to weed out all these individuals who are not doing anyone any favours.